IT HURTS JUST TO READ THIS!!!

Not new but still very funny.

PEEING ON MY FLOWERS


A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her.
One of the bags was ripped and every once in awhile a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."

“Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little
old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for
telling me, Officer."

“Well, now, not so fast," said the
cop.“Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"

“Oh, no, no", said the old lady.

“You see, my backyard is right next to a golf course. A lot of golfers come and pee through a knothole in
my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me
off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'why not make the
best of it?' So, now,I stand behind the fence by the knothole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20 or off it comes!'

“Well, that seems only fair," said the
cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other
bag?"

“Not everybody pays."