This Just Doesn't Translate

This Just Doesn't Translate
From Redditor
Englishman, living in the US for 15 years now. I’ve been asked a lot of bizarre things, but one of the best was someone who asked what language we speak in England, and how long it took me to learn English when I moved here.

Nope, Not Possible
From Redditor
After telling the guy sitting next to me on a plane, I was an Australian Aboriginal:
Guy: Wait, Aboriginal means you are Indigenous to that country.
Me: Yes.
Guy: That can't be possible...
Me: Ummm, why?
Guy: Because the British were the first people to settle Australia; they are white, and you are brown. You must [be] Polynesian.
Me: Let me tell you a little story that goes back 60,000 years...

Please Don't Lie, Sir
From Redditor
At customs in LAX [Los Angeles International Airport]:
Customs Agent: Where are you from?
Me: Denmark.
CA : Sir, please don’t lie about your nationality.
Me: Excuse me?
CA: Denmark isn’t a real country; now please tell me your country of origin.
Me: Sir, you are literally holding my passport, which is from Denmark, in your hand. How can you sit there and tell me that my country doesn’t exist?!
CA: Sir, Denmark is a region of Sweden, and not a recognized independent nation.
The Swedes would be fond of this encounter.

It All Comes Back To The Führer
From Redditor
I met an American who was convinced that we [Germans] weren't allowed to say anything bad about Hitler as he was our "big leader" and that every German looks up to him.

We Rule You
From Redditor
I met an American tourist who was adamant that my country [Iceland] was a home-ruled territory under the US government.
He said this during our nation's Independence Day.

Dogs Don't Speak German

From Redditor
I was on a student exchange between my German school and a school in San Francisco in the late '90s.
When the Americans came to visit us, we had a welcome party for them at a friend's place. That friend had a dog, and at some point he gave the dog a command in German. The dog obeyed, and one of the American kids asks how we managed to teach German to the dog.
He wasn’t joking, either; he seemed convinced that all pets are somehow born with knowledge of the English language, but all other languages need to be taught to them.